NOOK-y

I truly wish they'd named the NOOK something else.

Thoughts on Brad Pitt

Do you ever imagine really meeting someone that you just think is the bomb? In my life and my imagination, there are many such folks. Most of them are still alive--although after just looking at who died in 2010, the live list is shorter. Some are already gone--long gone, but maybe if I'm a good girl, I'll get to meet 'em some day. The still living ones are on the top of my list though. In no particular order, just to name a few (i might add more as I think of them), they would be....

Jackson Browne
Brad Pitt
Jimmy Buffett
Martha Stewart
Ina Garten
Cher
Jane Fonda
Jill Conner Browne
Sting
Dianne Sawyer
Robin Roberts

Of course, you knew that Jackson would be at the top of my list. I have often imagined what my conversation with him would be. Mainly, I guess I'd want to know how he made all those words fit together so wonderfully and how he's kept his sanity through personal tragedy and the music world. Then, of course I'd ask him if he was happily married. ;-)
Brad Pitt...I'd ask him why he gave Jennifer up for Angie and what made him want all those kids. I do think Angie is gorgeous, but like I know them so well, Jen seemed far more down to earth. I'd ask him when he realized he was, in fact, the bomb, and what he thinks about that. I think I'd ask him if he was happily married. I'm old enough to be his mother, but hey, after all, this IS fantasy.
Martha...oh Martha. My idol for so many years--even through the prison thing. Hate she got caught and others get off scott free, but admired her for schlepping through it. Her business prowess is unparalleled. I'd wanna ask her lots of stuff, but mainly I'd want to know if she ever just spends the day in sweat pants and a dirty sweatshirt and surfs the web. I think not.
Jill Conner Browne...funniest author EVER!!! Not that I read that much. Although with my new NOOK, I might read more. She cracks me up...really.
The others for obvious reasons. I sometimes have imaginary conversations in my mind with all of them at one time..sitting around my dinner table. Wonder if I sent invitations they would show up?

Before.......

I go on and on about New Year's Resolutions and which ones I might actually keep, I'd like to talk about last year's resolutions and how that worked out.

The one thing I vowed to absolutely do all year was be a kinder, gentler person. Especially to my fellow human beings. I think I've always found it easier to be kind to four legged creatures and even some two legged ones like birds, but humans make it so, so difficult at times. I vowed that I would be less judgmental and keep my first impressions to myself. I actually think I've done a pretty good job until the last few weeks. I've discovered that some people that I've tried really hard to be nice to do actually get on my last nerve and all I can say is that I'm glad the year is almost over so I won't have to live up to that stupid resolution any more! Oh, I'm not gonna go off on 'em or anything, but I am not gonna go out of my way to be really nice either. I've decided life's too short to spend much time thinking about them one way or the other and I just may resolve to not think about them...period. We'll see how that works. (Insert rolling eyes smiley here).

Another resolution which lasted..oh....about one week was the losing weight thing. Every year, same thing. Not gonna make that mistake again either. If I lose some...groovy. If not...oh well.

I vowed to take better care of my skin. Yeah, I did that. For about a month. Now, my poor wrinkled dried up skin is lucky if it gets a slather every three or four days. I will not speak of make-up removal.

I vowed to read more. I have done that...on the computer.

So, in the end, I guess all those resolutions turned out pretty much like every one else's. I will think some more about this and get back to you before the ball drops.

An Old Fashioned Family Christmas

Wow..the days have flown by. Seems just like yesterday I was writing about bagels and Thanksgiving. Now, here we are two days past Christmas and looking forward to three months of crappy weather and no Christmas music. But, just so y'all will be grateful for your own Old Fashioned Family Christmas, I give you mine....

A few days before Thanksgiving, Christmas music commences on radio. Color me happy. I love it, can't help it. I think I mentioned there are a couple of songs I can do without, so I won't rehash that, but overall, I don't think I could ever hear "Mary Did You Know" too many times.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN70R-3ao0U

December 1 comes...trees are up. Decorating has commenced and is in full on fluff. Party coming up on 12/11. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Ornament exchange on www.sowal.com 
This is where we draw names and make an ornament for a fellow SoWaller. This year, I happened to draw my favorite of them all, Miss Kitty. It was a heck of a lot of funn (that's how we spell it) thinking up stuff to make for her. She's always such a funn recipient!! Ornament done by the 10th and delivered. Proper ooooooing and ahhhing done.
Party at the house for work peeps on the 11th. Much funn is had.
Next day....boom!! The crud sets in. Dammit all to hell. Lose at least 4 whole days hacking up a lung and going through at least a box of Kleenex. Don't want to use the Christmas Puffs in the pretty box in the bathroom, so I use the less than soft regular old Kleenex in my bathroom. Shoulda used the Puffs. Nose feels like sandpaper.
Flash forward four days...finally coming out of Nyquil induced haze enough to start shopping a little and making a few cards and goodies for far away friends.
Step-daughter who's been visiting from England and is supposed to stay through Christmas announces she has gotten a job in PAKISTAN (for the LOVE OF GOD!) and is leaving on the 19th. Her journey is a whole other blog, but suffice it to say the trip did not go smoothly.
12/18--Making candy and being bummed are not conducive to a happy holiday. Candy gets made, boxed up and ready to mail on the 20th. So late!! Effing cold...
12/19--Step-daughter leaves. Bummed.
12/20--On vacation!! Off to USPO. Second in line!!! Yippee!!! Stuff mailed in record time!!
12/21--More candy making for work peeps.
12/22--Deliver work peeps stuff. Take son shopping for his kids. Shop, shop, shop. Stop for a hamburger. Watch peeps at next table pick their teeth while AT table. Jeez.......
Shop some more. Come home. Wrap stuff.
12/23--Out of town uncle arrives. Cooking in full swing after the obligatory trip to WalMart.
12/24--Christmas Eve!! How did it get here so fast? Shop in the blinding rain. More wrapping. All kids arrive...4 grown kids, 1 boyfriend, 5 grandkids, 1 uncle and one ex-husband. Many cocktails are consumed, dinner is served without rolls because nobody fucking listens when I tell them three times we need rolls. Many more cocktails are consumed. Skyping going on with stranded Pakistan bound girl, more drinks consumed. Christmas Vacation watched and we all laughed like we hadn't seen it 300 times. Greatness. More drinks consumed. I finally go to bed around 2. Left them up drinking.
12/25--Bodies all over, but at least no one drove anywhere. Wait for ALL to get up before kids can open presents. Cook breakfast. Wait some more. Crap opened. Boxes and paper fly everywhere. Kids play with stuff. I go to couch. Watch Christmas Story two or three times. Try to stay warm. Toilet upstairs begins to revolt and stop up.
12/26--Other two toilets join revolt. Did I tell husband this was happening...yes. Did he listen...no. Did I tell him again....yes.  Did he listen...no.  Did he finally tell me at 8pm to call a plumber, he was going to bed...yes. Did I call plumber...yes. Did I cancel plumber after no fucking call back...yes.
12/27..Back to work! Blissful, peaceful, work. Were toilets fixed when I got home....yes.

Merry Christmas and Happy Effing New Year!!

Pumpkin/Pumpkin

I have long been a fan of Einstein Bros. Bagels. I was a little disheartened the other day while watching some nutrition show (wtf was I thinking?), that a bagel like theirs is the equivalent of 5 slices of bread. Wow. No wonder I like them so much. I try to stay away, but at this time of year, it's caution to the wind and I go all the way and order up what I call the Pumpkin/Pumpkin. Pumpkin bagel, Pumpkin schmear.  OMG. Best thing ever! And, after doing a quick Google, I find I'm not the only devoted fan. It seems they have quite a following.
Who ever invented this little combo will forever be my hero.
The bagels are on the top of my holiday favorite list which also includes Eggnog shakes from Braum's and Eggnog Lattes from Starbucks.

http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/espresso/eggnog-latte

Needless to say, these are not what you'd call nutritious either, but what the hell, it's Christmas! In fact, I could very well live on these three items from November til January and be perfectly happy. Well, I might have to add cornbread dressing to the menu. 
Yep, I'm ready for a P/P. Maybe since it's early, I can beat the crowd.

Edit 12/27/10. I was informed on Sunday that the P/P are discontinued right after Thanksgiving each year. WTF is up with that? Don't they know that Pumpkin is ALSO a Christmas flavor? Ugh. 

Deck the Halls

Christmas music already? As Sarah Palin would say, "You betcha!". Bring it on. Love it. I'd listen all year if I could. Some days in July, I do listen. I don't care if it's not Thanksgiving yet, I am a happy girl when I flip over and hear "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". I will admit, however, that there are a few Christmas songs that seem to get a lot of air play that just drive me up the effin' wall....such as "Little Saint Nick", "Wonderful Christmastime" and most of all "The Christmas Shoes". Does that song not wanna make you just slit your wrists? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Edit to add:  Last Christmas by Wham. This song truly does make me wanna stick a pencil in my eye.
The music is just one of the many things I love about Christmas and the holiday season. I am quite sure you'll hear more about this in the next few weeks.
I am just about to burst waiting for the day after Thanksgiving when I can drag all the decorations out and start decking the halls. This year, I have bought some new ornaments in a new color. Oh, who am I kidding? I buy new ornaments every year. (Insert blushing smiley here). This year, I bought brown--to sort of coordinate with my new beige, black, white and brown room. I only recently decided that I had to have brown in that room too, but not too much. Anyhoo, the new brown ornaments match the new brown pillows that I also bought. I'm thinking brown decorations in that room with just a hint of silver. I shall post a pic--most likely Thanksgiving weekend.
So, until the next time the mood strikes me...

Feliz Navidad!

The rest is gravy

I could go on for days about how much I love REAL cream gravy. I call it cream gravy, but actually, I use milk. I find it's too thick and rich when cream is used, but to each his own. And, since I only have three followers, I don't mind admitting that my favorite way to have it is on fresh white bread. Fresh white bread. None of that whole wheat cardboard crap. White bread. Disclaimer:  I do not consider the above to be wet bread.......which I hate. Assuming wheat bread has been bought by the healthy, thin person of the house, biscuits will work. Now, you put some cream gravy on a sweet cream biscuit and you'll think you've died and gone to heaven. Then, while you're at it, put a whole bunch on your chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes. YU UU UU UU M!
I'm posting a recipe but it's pretty much all intuition. You have to know when you've added enough flour. You MUST use either bacon, sausage, pork chop or chicken fried steak drippings. No oil or butter. (Wow, I just remembered how much I love fried pork chops too. The thin ones that get really crispy when you fry them like CFS. )
You have to know that when it boils and bubbles, take it off the heat!! It will thicken more as it cools.
You have to know that it ain't good left over.
You have to know that it's got about one zillion calories and it's worth every one.

CREAM (MILK) GRAVY

1/4 cup pan drippings,  1/4 cup flour 2 cups milk 1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste 1/4 teaspoon pepper, or to taste In the pan which the meat was cooked, add 1/4 cup flour to the 1/4 cup drippings already in the pan. Cook and stir over medium heat for 5 to 10 minutes or until mixture starts to brown. Add the salt and pepper then slowly add the milk, stirring constantly.Continue cooking until gravy boils and thickens. If gravy is too thick, add a little milk. Adjust seasonings to taste. ~~~Cooks.com

A Perfect Day

It happened on a Wednesday about two weeks ago. Fort Walton Beach, Okaloosa Island to be exact. Perfect weather--not too hot, beach calling. Waffle House for breakfast. Ugh. Hubby loves this place. Me, not so much. If they could make half way decent gravy, they might have a chance with me, but instead it's that white wallpaper paste that so many places serve. Yuck. Suffered through and then went to my favorite store in the whole world--Publix. Stocked up on stuff for a beach picnic:  chicken salad, cracked black pepper and sea salt chips, Tahiti cookies. Tahiti cookies deserve a blog of their own...OMG! Heaven in a white paper bag!
Called up the bestest gambling friend ever who happened to be staying close by, invited her for picnic on the beach. Searched for extra beach chairs at several stores. Found them at one of my other favorite stores--Winn Dixie. ( I so miss WD in Texas). Chairs a bargain at end of season $7.99. Go to buy ice at the place where hubby has bought giant bags of ice for 25 years. Ice place closed. Hubby goes into store connected to ice place. Comes out with black market ice.
Make sandwiches for picnic. Friend arrives!! Yippee!!! Always a treat!!! Head to beach. Gorgeous! Plant chairs, hang out, have picnic, have fun. Then, off to Destin to AJ's for a cocktail. Two cosmos for me. Friend heads home after one drink and hubby and I hang around for a while. Watch the Fishing Rodeo contestants weigh in with the day's catch. Drink a bushwhacker.
Back to house. Family arrives. Only part of the family--many more to come. Go to dinner at an old, funky, sort of 50's seaside restaurant. Good times. More drinks.
More family arrives late bearing a van full of baked goods driven all the way to Florida from Illinois by an 88 year old uncle. Baked goods are unloaded, measured, cut into perfect squares and triangles, argued over, lovingly arranged and supervised by the darling 85 year old baker/aunt.
Bed time for me..left them up.  Sweet dreams of a perfect day.

Fly me away............

Some of you may know I hate flying. It's not just the actual being up in the air, it's all the crap that goes along with it. Be there 90 minutes ahead, wait in lines, show driver's license, wait in another line, show driver's license again,  strip down, re-dress, hang onto bags, wait some more, and some more. Argue with crew about whether carry-on is too big. Stress out over whether all liquids are under 3.4 oz., feel like a sardine, take off, clear skies, bumpy ride (wtf?), land, wait to get out of sardine can, wait for golf bag that's been checked, wait for husband to get rental car, wait for him to locate checked golf bag that's been sent to the counter since husband was getting rental car and waited too long to get checked golf bag, get ride to rental car, tip driver with only cash you have, smoke because you can't in rental car, drive to destination, enjoy week of vacation at destination, pack up, only not all you want to pack since the baggage police will surely not let you carry on that same bag filled with shells and driftwood along with dirty clothes,  and do it all in reverse and again. Wait for husband to locate lost sunglasses left on plane. Wait for crew to return said glasses. Smoke, because you can't in daughter's car and because you haven't had a cig since you arrived at the airport an hour and a half before your two hour + flight. Unpack, discover broken driftwood, do laundry, do laundry, do laundry.  Ugh.
And now...I present to you my arguments for driving to your destination: 

Pack what you want. Take full sized containers of all sorts of creams, gels, and liquids. Take one bag just for shoes. Take another bag with plenty of clothes so that you don't run out and have to do laundry to have clothes to come home in. Leave when you want, stop when you want-as often as you want. Actually use a bathroom that's bigger than a casket, get out, stretch your legs, if you're law abiding, you don't ever have to show your driver's license, drive til you're tired, spend the night in some place you've never been, arrive excited instead of beat down from dealing with airlines, pick up treasures on the beach, have them arrive home in one piece, make your own schedule, not have to deal with rental car, sight see along the way, drive like hell to get home so you can start your daily routine all over again in...oh...about 7 hours!!

Long time....no bloggy

What can I say? I've been living, working, sleeping, vacationing, eating, drinking and flying since I last posted. I have some fun stories, but I'm too effin' tired tonight after making chili for a cook-off tomorrow, picking up a freezer full of cookie dough from the grand girls, conjuring up a costume for tomorrow and catching up on a popular social networking site. Good night for now, my three followers. I'll have some good stuff for y'all this weekend (with pics).

Apple Butter & Annisms

I work in a nursing home. I have to say that not one single day is ever the same, there are no dull moments and contrary to popular belief, we laugh a lot. You should also know that most of our days are planned around some sort of food. Yesterday, we planned for today to be apple butter and biscuits--and that's exactly what we had. My darling friend Ann, who is one of the nursey nurses (as I like to call them)  has a place at a lake not too far away. Her neighbor had an abundant apple tree. She texted the neighbor and asked if she could pick some apples. He said "pick away" and she did. She's been making apple butter for days. She's filled up 3 cases of jars and all the random empty ones she had. We got biscuits (those freezer kind that are really tasty) and she brought the apple butter along with some real sweet cream butter. All I can say is.....heaven on a paper plate!! Biscuits....good. Apple butter....fabulous!!! She truly does spoil us and I know for a fact that she has added at least 20 lbs. to my ass since we started working together. She's also the one who told me how to make sweet cream biscuits. OMG. And, she makes a mean pot of butter beans. Just sayin'.

Then, there are the "Annisms". That's all I know to call them. Not many of her "sayings" have been heard before although she swears she doesn't make them up. A few have worked their way into my repertoire and people usually just sort of look at me quizzically, but they don't just fall out laughing like we do when she just casually drops one of her little pearls of wisdom upon us. There are way too many to remember off the top of my head and list, but here's a few of my favorites....

"Holy crap on a cracker!"
"You look like you've been hit in the ass with a dead rabbit"
"Rougher than a peanut patty on the goober side"


I'll add some more when I think of them.

She's one in a million--our little Annie.

Sock it to me

Why are there socks in the road, parking lot, street? I always wonder about this. The same with single shoes. I guess maybe if they're in a parking lot, they were in someone's car and fell out. Probably because they were on top of a huge pile of fast food sacks, cups and boxes. Maybe they were in a laundry basket and fell out when the owner was carrying them to or from the laundry. Maybe they threw them out on a lark. Maybe they were having an illicit affair in the back seat and the socks just came flying off in the heat of passion.
The street or the highway is a little harder to fathom. Perhaps their laundry was in the back of a pick up and the sock flew out. Maybe they just threw them out. Usually, it's only one sock and it's usually white. What's up with that? Does that mean that men (it's almost always men's socks) who dress professionally don't throw their socks out the window? If they're wearing a suit and tie, do they keep their socks on? Maybe they just have their illicit affairs in hotel rooms instead of back seats. Maybe they don't take their socks off for said affairs.Maybe the white sock wearers are having affairs with their neighbor and when the spouse shows up unexpectedly, they jump out the window and while running across the street...well.....they lose one sock.
What happens to the sock's mate? Is it just carelessly tossed away when it's discovered that the mate is missing on the streets? Does anyone ever go back and look for the missing sock? What do you do when you see a lone sock on the street? Do you just leave it there all alone to be run over, rained on and eventually swept up by a street sweeper?
I guess it can be said that some socks don't mate for life. Badda bing.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat"

Tropical Storm Hermine (wtf kind of name is that--Hermine?), just dropped about 5 inches of rain on my yard and much more on many other people's yards in the past 24-36 hours. It seems to me that our little corner of the world has seen some pretty extreme weather this year. Record snowfall in February, temps over 100 for many days, now this over abundance of water. I guess the old adage is true...."when it rains, it pours". ;-)
I'm not sure if it's global warming or El Nino, but it's been some crazy weather!
I sound like some really elderly person, don't I? I promise I'm not going to talk about my ailments--I already did that this morning. So, I'll talk about something totally random. Hair.
The long and the short of it, the curly and the straight of it. The shampoo and conditioner of it. The style or the lack of it.
I have never been what you'd call really hip or trendy when it comes to fashion or beauty styles. I pretty much just always go for what I like and try not to look too out of style. But, thumbing through a fashion catalog today, I see that ponchos and boots with leggings are coming back in style and I am so happy. Ponchos can sure hide a multitude of sins, but one has to be careful that it is not mistaken for a caftan or muu muu. Just sayin.
Ok..so back to hair. Since I only have two followers and I value y'alls opinion very much, should I keep it long, cut some off or go all the way and whack the crap out of it? I must say, now that the weather shows some sign of becoming half way normal (temperature wise), I think I might kind of enjoy my longer hair. But, then I have those insecure moments when I think people are staring at me and thinking, "what on earth is SHE thinking!?"
If I keep it long, should I drag out the old hot rollers and put some spring into it, or should I keep frying it with the flat iron? Know any good conditioners that don't cost a fortune? Not Suave, but not some NM (with a nod to my friend Beach Runner) crap that costs $40 a bottle either.
Help me out, my two lone followers. And you lurkers, you know who you are. If you would become a follower, you could throw in your 2 also. Just sayin.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I was in Kansas a couple of times over this Labor Day weekend. Actually, we were just passing through, but I have to say that every time I go through Kansas, I have a new appreciation for it. I've always thought of it as just a wasteland, but I find when I really, really look, it's a pretty cool place. Sadly, I didn't take pictures of the Flint Hills, which I find beautiful and fascinating, but I did rip one off the IN.....and I did take pics of the state flower. This picture would have been so much better had the effing wind not been blowing 80 mph. For those of you who don't know, I hate wind. There's nothing good about it that I can think of, which is exactly what I'm sure these guys were thinking. Holy crap!!
I am quite certain there is not enough money in the whole wide world to get me to do this job....not even on a calm day. I'd rather clean port-o-potties or something equally as disgusting. Speaking of disgusting, I am pretty sure that I visited the world's WORST roadside bathroom yesterday as well. OMG. Flies, filth and crumbling fixtures were the only way I can describe it without throwing up. Life on the road ain't all it's cracked up to be sometimes. Another example: Convenience store, Blue Springs, Mo.
Husband wants ice for beer cooler. I tell him I'll get it. I go to cashier and first ask if he carries my brand of cigs, which NO ONE outside of my hometown DOES. He says "yes, I have them". I say, "oh good!! let me have two packs". He says, "I don't understand". I say, "two packs of Carltons." He says "I don't have those". WTF? Of course, he is not from this country, so I try to be patient. Then, I just tell him to give me Marlboro's (did y'all know Marlboro's are on spell check?). And then I ask him to please add a bag of ice. He says ok. He tells me I owe $5.11 and I don't think a thing about it since I had already noticed that cigarettes are really cheap in Missouri and Oklahoma. I then go and get my ice and he says, "that will be $1.59." I say "didn't I already pay for this?" He says, "no, I didn't understand". By this time husband is in line to pay for beer. Clerk asks is he's paying for the ice. Husband tells him yes. I'm standing there holding the ice. He rings up husband's purchases and then turns to me and says, "that will be $1.59". Holy crap on a cracker! He didn't charge me, he didn't charge husband. Husband ends up paying the $1.59 separately after he sees that I'm about to blow a gasket. Guy behind us in line is just shaking his head after witnessing the whole thing. His comments were interesting. I told him maybe it was ME that "didn't understand". Ugh.
Another example--and this one's my fault. I swore after my experience at McDonald's in Tallulah, LA. that I would never set foot in another McDonald's, but yet I was lured in by hunger and lack of choice at that particular exit in Kansas. Breakfast time. I order a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from the guy who looks way less than thrilled to be there. Biscuit....good. Egg...taken off. I don't even think those are real scrambled eggs on there anyway. It's just kind of a foamy yellow blob but anyway, cheese--ok, bacon--non-existent, unless you count the one tiny little dime-sized floppy piece of fat that may or may not have ever seen the underside of a pig. Oh yeah, that was removed too. If I'm going to eat fat, even if it's just a bite, it better be crisp. No wonder they're making a flat fortune even in today's economy. They're saving millions by splitting one piece of bacon into probably ten sandwiches, covering it up with foamy, spongy, yellow crap (yeah, that's it--a sponge!) and deceiving us with those pictures on the menu of the crispy bacon hanging over the sides. There's a word for Mickey D's and it's on post #5 I believe. Mark my words...............never again.

Three words.......

ONCOR
ELECTRIC
SUCKS

Trial by Jury

I have jury duty today. Ugh. It's not that I mind so much doing my civic duty, but the process is slow and painful and just not a heck of a lot of fun. I remember last time I went, a friend had given me a corkscrew that I just threw in my purse. Well, guess what? It was confiscated. Lesson learned...will check purse before departing this morning.
But, the thing I'm most pissed off about is that I have learned in other states, you just have to call that morning to see if you need to show up instead of sitting there the whole freakin' day only to be sent home at 3:00. Now why in the hell can't we do this? If I remember correctly, they give you some sort of little "survey" to answer about jury duty and you can be sure the previous question will be on that survey.
I have two brand spankin' new books to take and I think I have plenty of gum, so I think I'm set. Hopefully, I won't have to decide where to eat lunch. Maybe I'll be done by then...ya think? Nah...
I can't possibly be that lucky. But, I've only allotted one day this week for JD and tomorrow, I have to deliver Meals on Wheels, so they better not eff it up.

Edit: Well they did eff it up. Dammit!! I must return tomorrow. Never made it out of the freakin' jury room. But, as the bailiff reminded us, tomorrow we start making the big bucks. Had to change my Meals of Wheels schedule. Had to go on into work. Well, I didn't have to, but I wasn't about to go home and sit on my ass all afternoon; I have enough trouble catching up from being gone. And, if I had come home, I would have just ended up cleaning or something equally as boring and mundane. I was up at 4 this morning and it looks like it's gonna be an early night---but not until I watch what looks like is going to be the BEST EVER Housewives of NJ Reunion. Can't wait. I so hope Teresa lets Danielle have it. I know. I need to get a life.

Hummers

I love me some little hummers. Hummingbirds that is. I just love the way their little wings move faster than the speed of light, their little tiny feet, the way they are so suspicious of any little movement. I don't understand why they would rather have nectar (sugar water) that is two weeks old rather than fresh sugar water. Tonight, I had a ruby-throated hummer at the feeder for several minutes. I have decided maybe that nectar is fermented by now, due to my sheer laziness, and maybe they are having a big old drunkfest wherever it is that hummers hang out.
I've tried to distinguish them and name them, but danged if they don't all look pretty much alike when you're half blind and don't move at the speed of light.
Pretty soon they'll be gone for the year. I always miss them when they leave. I can't bear to take the feeders down until the first freeze in hopes that just one has lingered behind in the migration.
Only about a another month, and they'll be headed south. Safe journey, my little friends.

Puke

So, I decided over the weekend for about the ten billionth time that I would try to eat healthier. I guess you know this means the gravy post will have to wait for an indefinite period of time.
Can we just talk about the frozen crap they sell and try to convince us is healthy? It is healthy, because you can only stomach about 4 bites, which is, btw, ALL they freakin' give you anyway. **Insert head banging smiley here**
Today, for example, I started out well. I had a bagel (no cream cheese) for breakfast and my usual 5 cups of coffee. Mid morning, I had a few chocolate animal crackers...yum. I thought," hell, this is freakin' easy..I can do this." Then, came the............frozen............entree. Puke. I had the Balsamic chicken "steamer" somethin' somethin' with whole wheat pasta and broccoli. Puke. Oh, you can be sure I choked all of it down, because when you're used to eating a cheeseburger or something else fried every day you are starving on a bagel and a few critters. There were, count them, FOUR tiny pieces of chicken about the size of a baby shrimp and about 5 tiny little broccoli florets, a whopping 15 scrawny little penne pasta pieces and maybe some sun dried tomatoes in some useless sauce. The best part of the whole thing was the dessert. A banana.
Portion control has never been one of my strong points and I have the girth to prove it. I have always just sort of rolled my eyes when "they" say a portion should be a half a cup. "They" are full of shit. That was a portion size to me at the age of 6 months. Oh sure, I went through that period of time when I was eating healthy, sensible portions and exercising my ass off. I refer to that dark period of my life as the "panic era". I was 40ish, not married, had two teenagers, a job I hated and virtually nothing to live for. So, I figured why not starve myself to death and if that didn't work, walk my ass off and just keep walking. You know, kinda like Forrest Gump? I came out of that little slump married and promptly gained 20 pounds. **More head banging smilies** But hey, I got a new wardrobe.......again.
Unfortunately, I stocked up on a whole bunch of these effing entrees in anticipation of becoming svelte over the next couple of weeks. So, I can hardly wait to see what tomorrow brings. I'm just gonna reach in the freezer and go for it. I can assure you it will be something like "Supreme Pizza" and it'll be the size of an ipod.

Oh Container Store, how do I love thee?

I must limit my visits to about once a month and I only take a certain amount of cash. If not, believe me, I'd spend my whole freakin' paycheck and up to my limit on every credit card. There are few places that have this effect on me. I think if I could, I would furnish my whole house from the CS. They have very cool and trendy boxes, bags, racks and a million other products that I feel like I can't live without. The kitchen section alone is mesmerizing.
This revelation may come as a surprise to some who think I detest shopping. Most of the time I do. Unless it's a really unique, funky shop, I can generally go through my life never shopping for the sake of shopping. Once in a while, the mood might strike me to venture into uncharted territory like Pottery Barn (which could become the next CS in my mind-therefore, I don't go. Ok..maybe once a year).
Don't even get me started on CS at Christmas. **Insert drooling smiley here** I really make it my little gift to myself to shop for gifts at CS for others and the gift wrap to go along with. Heaven, sheer heaven.
I do, however, love hanging out at Home Depot and Lowe's. Now THEY have some fun and funky stuff. Ever peruse the plumbing aisle? How fun is THAT?! I love all the copper fittings.
The tile aisle is fun too. I love looking at and touching all the different tiles and imagining them in different applications.
The paint section is mind boggling, but so inspirational in my book. I do think it's a tad weird that Disney feels the need to have a paint line when they already make what, about 800 zillion dollars a year from tourists. And they put Mickey's ears on every paint chip card to lure the little ones into choosing "their" colors. Next thing you know, McDonald's will be right there along side them. Yeah, that part of HD is not cool.
So, a shopper I'm not, but I know what I like and lust after, and for me, it's the CS. Call me crazy and look for me there--once a month.

How does your garden grow?

Since early in my childhood, I've loved gardening. My career choice should have been gardener. I don't know why that didn't happen. Life got in the way I suppose. Growing up, I had a neighbor lady next door who was quite elderly, but had lots of spunk. You will learn that I like people with lots of spunk. She gardened every day in her huge iris bed which was between our two houses. I helped her. Mainly, I pulled weeds and sometimes, she let me water. It is one of my fondest memories. She would talk to me about her deceased husband, about her only daughter and granddaughter and how much she missed them. They lived in Paris, Texas and only came to see her about once a month. She always fed me lunch--usually tuna sandwiches. She had cats and I often wondered if they ate the same tuna or if we were eating theirs. :-) I would always do the lunch dishes and I loved that she used Ivory liquid. I can still remember that smell. She made homemade Sake and threw the fermented rice in the yard for the birds. You can imagine the result. She had ancient birdbaths and taught me a love and appreciation for all things in nature. She was my first real best friend and I was devastated when she died. I'll always be grateful for her friendship and I'll always cherish it. Every time one of my irises blooms, I think of her.

I lived next door in the house with my grandparents. My grandfather loved gardening too. He had vegetable gardens and even before I met the lady next door, he would let me tag along as he tended his garden. I ate tomatoes right off the vine. He always acted mad, but I knew better. He wore straw hats and overalls most of the time. He could grow just about any type of vegetable in his garden and my grandmother would cook it up. Amazingly, most of the time it was fried. Go figure. Her fried okra was to die for. She made fried squash, fried potatoes, fresh green beans with new potatoes, cucumber and onion salad, the list goes on. She made biscuits at almost every meal-a couple of  times a day. She made gravy almost every day. Oddly, even though she made pork chops, meatloaf and the like, I wasn't much of a meat or fish fan back then. I guess you could say I was pretty much a vegetarian. I would eat only what few bites I could get away with and scarf up the veggies. On the rare occasion I went out to eat, I ordered hamburgers with no meat.
The only thing out of the garden I didn't care for were beets. Hate 'em to this day. Yuck.

I'm sad to say that I didn't especially pick up my grandmother's talent for making houseplants flourish. I do much better with the stuff outside. My houseplants tend to just gather dust, shrivel up and die. I don't know why I can't remember to water them before it's too late. It's a mystery.

My yard now is almost total shade. I've had to adapt since I only knew sun gardening when I moved here. Shade gardening is a challenge, but one I've enjoyed. Plus, it's a hell of a lot more pleasant to work in the shade than the blazing hot, 104 degree living hell that we inevitably have here in Texas about this time of year. Yeah, I like summer, but I'm about done this year. I'm ready to buy some pansies with their cute little faces and kiss this mofo of a summer goodbye.

Vegas Baby

I'm tired of numbering. They're all out of kilter anyway.

So......Vegas. Love the place. I would go every weekend if I could just hit that one big jackpot to bankroll future trips. I don't play blackjack, roulette or craps. It's the slots for me. They're like a big adult babysitter. I could sit there mesmerized for hours. I am the casino owner's dream. The more noise they make, the better I like them. If I win 10 bucks, I'm thrilled. A hundred and I am ready to quit my job.
Even if I was flat broke and attending my next Gamblers Anonymous meeting in the next ten minutes, I would stop and watch the people around me. Another mesmerizing activity.
The food. Well, the food is pretty effin good. I never felt too bad about eating so much since I spent most of my non-slot time walking from one hotel/casino to another-and I had the blisters to prove it.
The one thing I don't like about Vegas is all those escalators. Anyone in my family will tell you I have an unnatural fear of escalators. The ones in Vegas are really tall. This is a phobia that has developed late in life. They never used to bother me, but now just the thought of having to go near one makes me break out in a cold sweat. I don't know if it's the height or the motion or the combination, but they just make me wanna hurl. I have endured much ridicule from those near and dear about this. Can't help it, don't care. I'm taking the elevator--even in Vegas.

#21..Eggsactly

Oh, I eat eggs. But only if they're mixed into a cake or something. And, I do occasionally eat them when they're deviled and I used to eat fried eggs when I had a bad hangover. Don't ask me why, they just always sounded good. But they had to be fried hard and totally covered and smothered in salsa. None of that runny, yucky, yolk running all over everything and getting your toast all soggy. Soggy bread is almost as gross as eggs-needless to say, I am not a bread pudding fan. And don't even talk to me about French Toast. Scrambled eggs=not so much.
They serve their purpose in baking. Boiling them and peeling them for deviled eggs is just no fun at all imho. Hardly worth the effort.
Egg salad. Eggs with mayonnaise....ok, NOW I'm gonna hurl.

#20...Control Freak

I don't know if I am one or not. I'm sure there's plenty who'd say I am.

#20...Mother Mother Ocean

Mother, mother ocean,
I have heard you call,
Wanted to sail upon your waters
since I was three feet tall. You've seen it all,
You've seen it all.~~Jimmy Buffett


One of my tip top favorite songs ever by someone other than Jackson Browne--but another JB.
I can so relate to these first few lines--my sentiments exactly.

I can still remember the first time I saw the ocean. Actually, it was the Gulf of Mexico and it's still #1 in my heart. I couldn't have been more than 4 or 5 years old. I went to Corpus Christi with my mother, my uncle and his wife and my cousins. I can still remember my uncle taking me out in the waves. I was terrified and thrilled all at the same time. I can remember there were lots of shells all along the beach. To me, it was the perfect day. I didn't travel much as a child or take regular vacations--they were a thing of luxury. When I was probably about 8, I went with my neighbor's family to Padre Island. I found hundreds of sand dollars, played on the beach with their daughter, jumped in the waves. Another perfect couple of days. Then, I didn't go to the ocean for many years until high school. Galveston. Good times.
Then, my uncle bought a place on the beach in Louisiana and I began to go there at least once a year for many years. Sadly, that place was taken by Rita and will never be the same. Again, good times while they lasted.
I saw the Atlantic in New England. So cold, but the beaches were gorgeous, rocky and so different from what I had known.
Then, about 20 years ago, I began to go to Florida. I will never forget the feeling when I first saw those shimmering emerald waters. I was in awe--and yes, it did bring a tear to my eye. The sand was so white--like sugar. The water was so clear--so perfect. I saw dolphins jump for the first time outside a marine park.
So, whenever I can, you'll find me with a chair, and umbrella, a cooler and a cool beverage just sitting there on the beach for hours on end...watching. Just watching the magnificence of Mother Nature at her best.

#19...I heart JB

Jackson Browne. I've loved the man for most of my life. I love his lyrics, I love his melodies, hell I even love his hair. It's that sort of straight swingy kind of hair that I always wanted, but looks infinitely better on him. He's the whole package. And don't be bringing up that whole ugly Daryl Hannah fiasco. I've heard many versions over the years and I've posted a blurb that's pretty close to what I believe happened.

Russ Paris, who maintains the Unofficial Jackson Browne Homepage:

"Nothing ever happened. No charges were filed since there was nothing to file charges over.

Tell people not to believe everything they read in the tabloids.

Based on what I've read and the people I've spoken with, it is my understanding that Jackson called the police that night (she was moving out and he accused her of taking things that didn't belong to her) and if there had been ANY chance that anyone struck anyone else, the police are required by law to have looked into it. All the officers on the scene denied any such thing. Jackson and Daryl have both denied the incident at different times... Jackson at the time and Daryl a number of years later.

Most of the people involved at the time seem to believe that Daryl was upset at their breakup and made up the story as a way to get back at Jackson... and then it got out of her control when the tabloids picked it up. Daryl's ex-boyfriends -- including JFK Jr. -- all say she was capable of that and more... But Jackson has said that he didn't want to drag her reputation through the mud in spite of what she did to his reputation.

I never could stand her anyway. Well, she was okay in Steele Magnolia's but what's she done since?
I have an online acquaintance that calls him Jackson Boring. Well guess what? She ain't my friend on FB and she never fuckin' will be. So take that Missy!
JB is a humanitarian, environmentalist and activist. I may not always agree with his politics, but who the hell cares what I think?
Maybe his plastic surgery is a tad too much, but again, who cares.
I'm a fan and I'll always be a fan. He melts my butter and I would have married him if he had only asked. Rock on JB.

#18..Red

I used to have red hair. Before that, I had brown hair. Now, I have blond hair. Blond over gray. Gray under blond when I've waited too long. Ugh.
When I had red hair, I had fun. When I had brown hair, I had fun. While I've had blond hair, I've had some fun. Gray....not so much. Ugh. Unfortunately, the gray may prevail. Redecorating, smoking and liquor may take up the blond budget soon. Perhaps I should have chosen a career as a hairdresser. Have they not heard we're in a recession? Do they not know that I haven't gotten a raise in over a year? Obviously they are clueless about my own personal recession and just keep right on raising their prices. Yikes. It scares the crap out of me to think I might actually have to "see" what my real hair color is, but I fear it may be coming to that. Yikes.

#17...Paint it black

I love the color black. Black clothes, black furniture, black boots, black cars, black cats. Black clothes you just can't mess up unless you just wash the crap out of them and you don't use that detergent that's for black stuff. Then, you end up with a whole bunch of different shades of black that don't match any of the other shades of black in your closet. This is the voice of experience speaking. Dressing in black never goes out of style IMHO. You can put almost any other color with it and dash out the door without much of a thought process. I particularly like how brown looks with black. It might just be my favorite color combination.
Black furniture is a new thing for me. In the past, I've leaned toward various types of wood for furniture, but I have stepped into the twenty first century and discovered that black furniture looks pretty flippin' good..especially when mixed with other types and colors of furniture. I am in the process of doing a mini makeover in my house and my new colors are beige (walls), cream (some furniture and accessories) and black (some other furniture). I'm not quite sure how it's all going to come together, but I'll post a pic if it looks worth a shit. If not, I probably won't mention it again.
Black boots.....love 'em. Short ones, tall ones, mid calf ones. I never know which ones are in style, unless I consult with my message board buds. I just always buy boots that I like and screw what fashion says. I've discovered lately though that I have to buy boots that are also comfortable. Dammit. I love those spiky heeled tall hooker boots, but can no longer pull them off for a myriad of reasons--the top two being age and weight. (Another topic)
Black cars...they're the best. Yes, they're hot as hell. Yes, they get dirty really quick. But they look amazing when they're clean and shiny. Mine is rarely clean and shiny since I don't park in the garage. That privilege is for the male of the household. We have a two car garage, but the other side is full of crap that I had to put in storage and then get out again when our house was on the market and then off. (Also another topic)
Black cats....no, they're not bad luck. They're pretty darned adorable and have gotten a bad rap for way too long. In the not too distant past, I had as many as three. Now, I'm down to one who worships the ground I walk on. I can't say that for many other creatures in my life. So, how can I not love him? He's got a real original name too. Blackie. How's that for ingenious?
There's lots of other crap I like that's black. Our black lab. She's his dog though--and (another topic). I like black onyx jewelry, black cows and sheep, bats, just to name a few.
Black and white photos are usually so much more powerful than color, also imho.

#16....Batter up!

I think I may have mentioned my adoration for fried okra. Actually, you can fry up just about anything and I'll eat it--and I've got the body to prove it. There are a few exceptions to this: any kind of organ meat being the main one. But pretty much anything else, especially items in the vegetable category are so much more appealing when fried. You won't catch me eating zucchini that's been steamed (it squeaks when you chew it), but put some batter on it and I'll deal with the squeak. It doesn't necessarily have to be battered--i.e. fried potatoes. I think the main criteria for me anyway, is crunch. In the case of fried potatoes, they must be soft and crunchy. Make sense?
Then there is the big daddy of all things fried....chicken fried steak. I grew up on it and life would be meaningless without it. Good steak, crunchy crust, homemade cream gravy (a topic on it's own), and the following supporting cast would be my last meal if I ever found myself having to make that choice. Fried potatoes, Fried okra, fresh sliced tomatoes, pinto beans and homemade yeast rolls. Variations could include fresh black eyed peas, fried squash, fresh off the cob fried corn--the list goes on.
Fried potatoes are in no way to be confused with french fries. Not the same. Fried potatoes are fried in a cast iron skillet with onions, salt and pepper. They're sort of steamed then crisped up at the end. Here's the recipe:






Fried Potatoes

4-5 Medium sized potatoes--any variety will do. I use russet
1/2 Medium onion-chopped
Vegetable oil, Crisco or canola oil. About 1/4" in the bottom of an iron skillet.
Salt, Pepper and maybe some garlic powder

Peel and slice potatoes about 1/8" to 1/4" thick. The key is to keep them uniform in thickness.
Heat oil in skillet to about 350 degrees--give or take. Add potatoes. Add onions. Cover and cook approximately 15 minutes over med heat--you might want to leave the lid ajar just a little to let some of the steam escape. At some point, add salt and pepper. When potatoes begin to brown and soften, turn gently with spatula. Cover and cook a few minutes longer. Uncover and continue cooking until most of the potatoes become crispy. Remove from pan and drain on paper towel. Test for seasoning and adjust if necessary.

Add more oil to skillet and fry up some okra while you're at it:

http://www.crazyauntpurl.com/archives/2006/07/fried_okra_1.php

I love Crazy Aunt Purl and hers is the closest to what I remember my grandmother's fried okra to be like. While you're there, read some of her stuff. Good times. In fact, she is my inspiration for blogging.

Now, the sensible side of me knows that this stuff is not for the middle-aged, overweight, smoker, drinker, cusser. I know I should be eating tofu and bean sprouts, but that just wouldn't be any fun at all. I don't eat this stuff all the time, but would if I could get away with it. I limit my intake of Southern Heaven to once or twice a week--and then only just one dish at a time--dammit.

#15..I hate liars

Short and sweet.

#14..On the Road Again

I love road trips. I love that feeling the night before when you're trying to fall asleep, but the anticipation and excitement just make it impossible. This is especially true if you're going somewhere you've never been before. Well, it is for me anyway.
I start planning weeks ahead IN my head. What will I take? What will I wear? Where am I going to eat? What books to take? A million details. I never actually get around to packing until the night before. Then, I do laundry, pack, re-pack and jump into bed to spend a sleepless night waiting for time to leave. I figure in the twenty years of my current relationship/marriage, we've logged about 40 road trips. Most of them have been to Florida and most of them have been good. HE would not agree, just because HE hates road trips. He doesn't like driving, but doesn't like riding either. We have now decided that it's just best for me to get a head start and pick his ass up at the airport. I'd be fine if I never flew again, but that would somewhat hinder my secret plan to go to France and Italy. Massive amounts of liquor will be needed before I board that plane and I won't sleep for weeks before that trip, if it ever happens.
So, somewhere along the line, I started taking my precious daughter on road trips--either with husband, with my friends or just the two of us. I have to say the latter two of the three are preferable, for the reasons listed above. She and I have the best road trips. The last trip we took to Florida, we left at 3AM and had to stop in East Texas for a little shut eye, but we persevered.
Most of the time, we can keep ourselves entertained, but there was one trip where we were just flat bored and read the Atlas to each other for about 6 straight hours. We've gone through some hellacious storms on the road. One time, we SWEAR we were in a tornado in Southeast Texas. The sky was green--and it was raining so effing hard that we couldn't see shit. We pulled over at a convenience store and made a run for it, only to be told by the cashier that if the power went out, she'd have to kick us out. Thankfully, we were spared.
We've seen some strange sights. I will just say that a lot of those sights brought the word "Deliverance" to mind. We've had some great food and some of the crappiest crap food along the way. A word of advice....McDonald's, Tallulah, LA.....run for you life. You'd be better off eating off the floor of the filling station bathroom down the street.
What you see above are known as "love bugs". They become permanently attached to your vehicle sometime around September here in Texas/Louisiana. They are disgusting, vile, pornographic creatures and they deserve to die. I only wish it was on someone else's grill!
We've been to some interesting tourist attractions and frankly, most of them had something to do with boiled peanuts. Don't ask me why, it's the south. Boiled peanuts, btw, taste like shit.
It looks like my next road trip will be to Kansas City. Haven't been there in a while and we're going for HIS high school reunion. I think massive amounts of liquor might have to be consumed before that trip too.

#13...I can't even talk about it

Well, I can talk about if I won the lottery. Of course, to win, you have to play. I'm a sporadic player. Don't know if that's good or bad, lucky or not. I just don't think about it very often. But one thing's for sure, if I did win, I would give a big old hunk of it to some homeless creatures. I can't even stand to think about them out there, day after day, with no where to go and no one who loves them. That's it, you know how I feel. I'm done.

#12..Mornings

Once I get up and have that first cup o' joe, I'm ok. It's the physically getting up that I have trouble with. Yeah, the physical part of dragging my tired ass out of the bed can be quite daunting. Usually, I've gotten a grand total of three hours sleep and of course, when it's time to rise, is the time when I'm sleeping the best. Lately, I've been thinking of taking some.....uh....sleep aids as my friend Martha calls them. Nothing prescription, but just a little something to maybe keep me asleep for more than 3 hours. I have another friend who takes seroquel and it pretty well knocks her out. On second thought, maybe I need that shit. I have no trouble FALLING asleep, it's STAYING asleep. Of course it doesn't help that we have an 80 lb. Lab that barks when an effing cat walks across the yard at 2 AM. God forbid anything really be wrong. We don't even get concerned any more. But that loud, relentless barking out of total silence will bring you from a dead sleep to an upright position rather quickly and you might just have to change your underwear--if you wear it.
Then, there's the adorable husband who swears he doesn't snore, when in reality he could blow the front door off from where he lies in his bed. Lord help me. This is after he has fallen asleep in front of the TV in the den with it at full tilt volume. He then comes to bed and pronounces that he cannot stand to have the TV in the bedroom on and if it is, it must have the volume turned all the way down. Now, I ask you, does this make any fucking sense whatsoever? The man who can sleep through a barking dog, a blaring TV (in another room), and me getting up numerous times to go to the bathroom during the night, can't stand the tiniest noise coming from a TV that I just MIGHT happen to be watching since I'm up most of the night anyway. The peeing at night is yet another perk of menopause....ugh..and yet another reason I only sleep three hours a night total. I never said it was three consecutive hours--ugh.
SO, the only thing that really keeps me going is coffee and lots of it. The stronger the better. With half and half. It must have half and half. In a dire emergency, such as avoiding a 5AM trip to the Quick Trip to steal some of those little containers of half and half that never need refrigeration, I will use powdered creamer. Did I just type that out loud? I am so ashamed! And what IS up with that no refrigeration thing anyway?
Coffee....I try to get up first and make it, because if he makes it, it looks like tea. I like trying different beans from Central Market, but I can't say I've come across one that I just can't live without. I'm still looking. Frankly, I like some good old Columbian Folger's made double strong.
I think I'll go get the pot ready for in the morning and take one of those sleep aids for tonight.

#11...Miss Patsy

We met in fifth grade when her school merged with my school. We've been friends ever since. We've been through boyfriends, school, marriages, divorces, kids, grandkids (for me--she's still waiting for her first), funerals, road trips, health scares, pretty much you name it. We have some secrets that only the two of us will ever know. We have promises that we'll each rush to each others house if we drop dead and..uh.."clean up" before all the mourners get there.
We call her Miss Patsy because that's what our "kids" at the day care where we worked in high school called her. I was Miss Renee. We worked for a lady that was our mentor. She taught us lots of valuable life lessons like, "it's not what you know, it's who you know." We worked with a guy who used to play piano and sing us songs like "Get Back" and "As Time Goes By". We made some poor choices, but we always rebounded. We used to go to downtown Dallas every Texas/OU weekend, despite her mother's foreboding tone. We wrecked a few cars. We got an apartment together when really the only stuff we had was two waterbeds, two stereos, two plates and two forks. We were in heaven. We visited Austin often back in the good old days. She married and moved away. She divorced and came back. She married again, but only for a few days and we never speak of it. Well, I speak of it, but not around her. :-) Then, she married the love of her life...
Her husband is a jewel. Her son is adorable. She made them that way. She has the biggest heart and really, the blondest hair of anyone I know. She has some big old rings and jewelry and a eyeglass string holder thingy for every occasion. She calls everyone Precious..and she means it. She looks just like Paula Deen. She's the most fun you'd ever want to have at lunch. She is lucky on the slots and she goes to church most Sundays. She's my friend...Miss Patsy.

#10....Friends, Okra and Southern Kitchens

I've made some lifetime friends in the past (now) five years. I am on a message board. I joined it just to get information about a particular area of the country that I like to visit. I lurked for a long time, finally got up the nerve to post and the rest is history. This particular area of the country I like to visit is very picturesque, scenic and just downright funky and fun. I started posting on this board along with a lot of other live there wannabe's and some live there's in reality. We formed bonds online and eventually we made plans to meet in this magical place for a bonfire soiree. I met instant lifetime friends. That was in 2006, and I'm still grateful every day that I met these wonderful people. They make me laugh, they make me think, they make me mad (not really), they make my life better. I know I can go to them with any question or problem and they'll help me solve it. They have broadened my horizons in immeasurable ways. If it weren't for them, I would never have known about the latest fashions, decorating trends, food trends, travel tips, household tips and countless other tidbits of information that I couldn't have lived without. I'll talk about them from time to time I'm sure--and you'll get to know and love them too.

I still have other lifetime friends that I don't see as much as I'd like. See Post #3. There will be more stories about them later on.

Today, I went with my darling husband to the Farmer's Market in Dallas. We bought tomatoes from East Texas, peaches from Parker County and okra. OMG, how I love me some fried okra. He hates it, it makes him gag. Fine with me...more for me. I don't make it often, but I am so looking forward to fryin' up a big mess of it tomorrow. I was gonna do it tonight, but WTF--I'm out of corn meal!! How can that happen in a southern kitchen? Blasphemy!! Which brings me to my real topic of the night...

Things you should NEVER run out of in the kitchen.................

1. Butter. Enough said.
2. Corn Meal. How can you fry okra and make cornbread with no corn meal? It must also be yellow.
3. Mayonnaise. Not Miracle Whip. MAYONNAISE. The glue that holds the southern kitchen together. And the best thing ever on tomato sandwiches.
4. Sugar. Sweet tea. Period.
5. Potatoes. To be fried with onions.
6. Cheese. Put it on everything along with bacon.
7. Shortening. To make biscuits and pie crust.
8. Flour. To make cream gravy.
9. Butter Beans.
10. Pecans. Freeze them for the summer. Always have them ready in case you need a pecan pie.

I'll be going now. Off to have a tomato sandwich and some sweet tea.
How much is it to join Weight Watcher's?

#8 & 9.. Ain't Life Grand?

I've never been to the Grand Canyon. Something inside me tells me I should go. Considering I hate heights, it could be interesting. Maybe I will go and just take a quick pic and be on my way. Maybe I'll hike to the bottom.....nah. But, I would love to see it early in the morning and at sunset. I'm sure it will surpass my every expectation.
Lately, I've been percolating a little plan, maybe for next year. I'd like to drive Route 66 and stop off at the Canyon along the way. I'm looking for a traveling companion since my husband absolutely refuses to be in the car that long, my daughter can't take that much vacation, and most of my friends can't either. I wonder if I call Oprah if she'd want to go? Maybe going alone wouldn't be so bad, but I'd probably be talking to myself after about 50 miles. There's some people along the Route that I could stop and see. I could blog the trip. That could really be interesting. I will think more about this..............

#7...The witch is in

For most of my adult life, I wanted to go to New England. Finally, I got the chance back in 1988. I was 35. Man, that sounds so young. Anyway, I went with two very dear and crazy friends. We stayed with some other friends that lived in a suburb of Boston and we had the time of our lives. I swear to this day that some of the places actually looked familiar. I've never really been "into" former lives and all that crap, but in this case, I think there might be something to it. I really felt connected to the whole area in some strange way. I used to tell my ex-husband that I had this feeling and he always used to tell me, "that's because you probably did live there in a former life...in Salem." Fucker. I laugh now, but he really pissed me off when he said that. In fact, he really pissed me off most of the time. Hence, our ultimate division.
If you've never been to New England in the fall....GO. It's stunning. Go to Vermont, Massachusetts,
Rhode Island, Maine and New Hampshire. Go to the Cape. Go to Martha's Vineyard. See the whales. I'm not sure quite how it happened, but when I got on the whale watching boat, I had on a Luckenbach t-shirt. When I got off, the first mate had my t-shirt on and I had his t-shirt on. Hmmmmmmm.....he WAS making us drinks the whole time.
I just met someone from Maine and she has a family cabin there. She may be my new BFF.

#6..........Smoke 'em if you got 'em

I hate smoking. I love smoking. I hate that it is so bad. I love that it's so good. Hate the smell of stale smoke. Love the smell of a just lit cig. Hate that some people can just put them down and never smoke again. Love that some people can just be social smokers and only smoke when they drink. Hate that they cost almost EIGHT fucking dollars a pack. Love that if I quit, I could go to Paris.
Ok..I am about to convince myself it might be worth it to quit, mais, je ne veux jamais cesser de fumer dans un million d'années.

#5

5. I cuss more than I should. I try not to, but it just rolls off the tongue. Can't help it. Don't care....really. I try not to do it around people I know would be offended. One friend in particular that chooses not to cuss uses me as her surrogate cusser. I never use the GD word, but I can roll off a string of F's, MF's and SOB's as easy as you please. I find that F is applicable in sooo many situations. In fact, I belong to a group online that just likes to say the word Fuck. I find I use the word Motherfucker(s) to describe many companies like BP, the electric company, the phone company, etc. Sonofabitch! is often used when excited OR pissed off--as in..."Well, sonofabitch!!!!" I also like the plural, "sonsabitches" which is often used to describe companies as well.
So, I guess those are my three faves, and generally one or all will cover any situation or topic. I do know that if my grandmother were alive, my mouth would taste of soap right now.
Peace, motherfuckers!

#'s 2, 3 & 4

2. True. Enough said.
3. There are some people I miss. Some I'll never see again in this lifetime, and some I see occasionally that I still miss in my every day life. Enough said.
4. I don't drink nearly as much as I'd like. I don't really know why, maybe it has to do with #21. I would like to remedy this by pledging to drink at least one drink every day. I love me some summer beer, I love vodka and I love Corona. The vodka has to be the good shit though. I do love a really dirty martini made with the good stuff. I was watching a show about cocktails the other night and they made a martini and put tarragon in it. FTLOG, tarragon is some potent, nasty stuff and I would never ruin good vodka with it. To each his own, I suppose.
How can you go wrong with Corona? Tasty. I can do the lime or not, but I especially like those cute little Coronitas.  The other Mexican beers (Dos Equis, Tecate, etc) are good enough, and there's probably some better than Corona, but the taste of Corona always brings back good memories. Some... of those people I really miss.
So, I'm off to have a little Coronita before bed.
Buenas noches!

Menopause, Boyfriends and Heat

First, let me just say that menopause sucks. Worse than traffic. Just when did I get so freakin' old that it happened to me? Actually, it happened about 10 years ago and yes, my friends, it's still going strong. First, I was really happy that I didn't have to deal with my monthly gift, but lately, it's just starting to piss me off. Weight gain and hairs growing where they absolutely shouldn't are just two of the lovely gifts I get to deal with now. I never really had a belly before, but boy, I can't say that now. The less I eat, the bigger it gets. WTF is up with that? Chin hairs...good GOD! I saw on Real Housewives of New Jersey (one of my all time favorite shows--and another post) that Caroline SHAVES her FACE in the shower every day! Yikes! Is this my destiny? I am considering laser, but would rather spend my money on liquor and cheese biscuits at Red Lobster (also another post). I have elected not to take hormones for personal reasons, but if this keeps up, I may be up for a sex change.
Then, I'm looking at FB and I see one of my old boyfriends has posted some new pics. Crap! He's freakin' OLD too!! I like to think he looks older than me. His wife looks like my mother. I hope he's not looking at my pics and saying, "Crap! She's freakin' OLD! She looks like my mother!"
If you've ever been to Texas in July, you know it's hot. The heat is not my friend these days. I've always been partial to summer, but I think I may have to give way to winter. No...that will never happen. Winter will never be my friend. I do like snow though..it's pretty. Ok, back to summer. I can only hope that this little recipe will help you make it through your summer, wherever you are.

With thanks to my friend Donna.

Summer Beer


6 bottles beer (I use Corona)
12 oz. can frozen limeade (you can use lemonade if you prefer)
12 oz. can vodka
12 oz. can water, sprite, or my favorite, club soda

yum yum--drink up!!

Traffic

Sucks.

Therapy

I kinda forgot about this thing for a little while. Every day, I think of stuff I should write down, if for no other reason than to help me remember later on, but somehow, I never seem to get around to it. I'm giving this another go.
It occurs to me if you ever read this, you might want to know a little about me other than what it says on my profile. I mean, ask yourself...do you want to spend time reading the ramblings of a middle-aged, pissed off, wrinkling, expanding, smoking, drinking, cussing, woman from Texas with nothing better to do than write about her thoughts, recipes and crazy life? Aw, sure you do................
Straight from the pages of Facebook..here we go...

1. I love old people. Go figure.
2. I love my children and grandchildren more than life itself.
3. There's some people I really miss.
4. I don't drink nearly as much as I'd like to.
5. I cuss more than I should.
6. I definitely smoke more than anyone should. Maybe someday, I'll quit.
7. I think that I lived in New England in a former life.
8. I have a burning desire to visit the Grand Canyon.
9. I hate heights.
10. I've made some lifetime friends in the past three years.
11. I have one friend I've known since 5th grade.
12. I don't like getting up in the morning. But, I look forward to that first cup of coffee.
13. If I won the lottery, I'd give a big old hunk of the $$ to help the homeless--that's people and animals.
14. I love road trips.
15. I hate liars.
16. I'm addicted to all things fried. This must stop.
17. I love the color black. You just can't mess it up.
18. I used to have red hair.
19. I love Jackson Browne. Who knew?
20. The ocean makes me cry sometimes.
21. I hate the feeling of being out of control. Does that make me a control freak?
22. Eggs make me nauseous.
23. If I lived in Vegas, I'd have to join Gamblers Anonymous.
24. Gardening makes me happy.
25. I love containers. Any kind of containers. The Container Store is a magical place.

So, I also figured I'd sort of take some of this stuff and explain it as a way of introduction.

1. I love old people. I do. I can't help it. I remember as a child being frightened of some of them. The ones who had dementia, even though I didn't know what that was, really scared me. I lived with my grandparents all my life. They might have had some mild dementia, but I never noticed. They died relatively young, by today's standards, so I don't think they ever got really bad dementia. Somehow, I ended up working in a nursing home for most of my adult life. Could this be God's way of getting his point across that old people are to be treasured? Anyhoo, I can honestly say that every day, in some way, they enrich my life. They make me think, make me laugh, cry and want to cuss sometimes, but they always make it worth it. I think too that maybe they don't like being old, but take the cards they're dealt. I don't particularly like it myself, which is a whole other post. I guess my message to you, dear reader, is if you've got an older person in your life, treasure every moment with them. If you don't know one, find one to make your friend.
I promise all my posts won't be so sappy. Most will probably be about crappy days, fun times and people I know that are truly unforgettable characters. The names might or might not be changed to protect the guilty/innocent.