Sunday, August 7, 2011

Life's a beach

Just picture it in your mind.......

Gentle waves lapping on the beach, a cool breeze blowing through your hair, the smell of the sea, soft sand under your feet, crystal clear water.

A great picture, huh? Too bad it was all only in my mind. What I did experience on my nine day fun family beach vacation was rain, seaweed, dead fish and the Disney Channel 24/7. I guess we all have visions of the perfect vacation before it starts, then somewhere along the line, things go to shit. I'd say this vacation was somewhere in between. It was fun seeing the little kids experience the beach for the first time once the weather cleared on the second day. It was fun taking them on a pontoon boat and letting them drive. Unfortunately, this is about where the fun stopped and the days of trips to the store, laundry, cleaning and cooking began--and never stopped. Add to that an excruciating drive to and from and you've pretty much got a good picture.
You'll forgive me if I don't post any pictures....I'm too tired.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

We'll leave the light on for ya..

I don't even know what made me start thinking about motels. Maybe being stuck in traffic and perusing the surrounding highwayscape. I try not to spend much thought on motels...they make me crazy.



Unfortunately, given my financial lot in life, when I travel I don't have tons of expendable income to splurge on a really good hotel. I love really good hotels; their beds, their amenities, their customer service. But alas, I usually end up staying in some mediocre place on some interstate in some coastal state.

I'm never sure if I even wanna sleep on the bed, much less IN it. It just really grosses me out to think of what's happened on that bed. Did they even wash the sheets, comforter, pillows, etc?  I have taken to checking for bed bugs to be sure. Thank God I've never found any. To be fair, I have heard that they show up even in the best of places. Not a comforting thought.

Most of the...uh.....personnel at the places for sure have never in their lives attended any sort of customer service training and pretty much act like they're doing YOU a favor by renting you a room that has minimal AC action and a shower that drips all night and a tub that doesn't drain.  Don't even get me started on the TV's and remotes. Ugh.

So here I am a month after I wrote the beginning of this post thinking about what motel I'm going to stay in next week on the way to the beach. Do I go for economy or peace of mind? My husband has chosen some pretty questionable establishments in the past, so this year, I will make the selection. I think given my phobias, I'm gonna have to go for peace of mind. Screw the economy--just don't do it on my bed.


Edit:  So, I went for economy after all and boy was I sorry. Lesson learned.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Shopping, Carts, Beer and Sunday

I have decided that I hate grocery shopping. Aw, who am I kidding? I've always hated grocery shopping. It's just that the older I get, the more I hate it. Oh yeah, I detest it these days. One of the main reasons is Wal Mart. I hate Wal Mart in general, but I find myself there pretty often, against my own better judgement. Convenience always wins out over better judgement. A few things that send me into orbit at WM are:

1.  The shopping cart seat belts rarely work. I use them to strap my purse in the kiddie seat in case some hardened criminal comes along and tries to snatch it. Not that they'd be getting a big prize. My purses are typically pretty cheap and God knows I never have any real amount of money--either in cash or on cards. They'd be oh so disappointed.
2.  The shopping cart "corrals" are a long way from the really close parking spots so even if you're able to score a close space, you've still got to walk half a mile to store your cart. Unless of course you're one of those rude sonsabitches that just leaves their cart where they're done with it for it to slam into to an innocent vehicle because the fucking wind blew it across the parking lot.
3.  Those "people of Wal Mart" park in the middle of the aisle and just stand there looking at crap for what seems like an eternity.
4.  Self checkout is NOT your friend.
5.  My local WM just re-modeled about 6 months ago. I have still not figured out the scheme of things. I certainly get my exercise going from one side of the store to the other. I cannot believe they did not consult me when laying the store out.

All this and I'm not even to the real reason I hate grocery shopping--and that reason is:

1. You put crap in your cart.
2.  You take crap out of your cart to check out.
3. You put crap back in your cart when it's been rung up. God knows "they" ain't gonna help you take crap out of your cart or put it back in like in the good old days.
4.  You take crap out of your cart again to load it in your car which is a fucking mile away because there is not such thing as a close spot.
5.  You search for the cart corral--across the parking lot.
6.  You drive home.
7.  You take crap out of your car.
8.  You put crap up.

By my account, that means you've handled all this crap at least 6 times before you ever cook it and eat it.
I think if they had bars at grocery stores, shopping would be much more tolerable. Ooooooh! I know!! They should have those little mini store front bars like they do in NOLA....every 50 yards. Oh yeah.

This brings me to my other complaint. It's not really the store's fault, they're only following the law, but it's a stupid law. Why can we not buy beer on Sunday until noon? I suppose it's because church is going on until noon. Most people I know who attend church drink beer. Most of them couldn't care less that the rest of us heathens are waiting til noon to buy our beer. I'd be willing to guess that even God doesn't care that there's some stupid law prohibiting the sale of beer until noon on Sunday. I bet he'd rather see a law prohibiting certain attire in public places.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Observations from Fin-Land

Saturday night last, I went to Fin-Land. That's the name of Jimmy Buffett's tour this year. It was actually the first time I had been to Margaritaville in the flesh. Oh, I've been there plenty of times in my mind and as the result of one too many, but the first time I've seen JB live. I convinced a couple of darling friends to go with who had also never been to Margartiaville/Fin-Land. One of them had never been to a concert. God luv her, she was a trooper.

In retrospect, I learned  the following:

1.  Frisco is a pretty effin cool town. I always thought of it as just some space age new suburb of Dallas. Well, who knew? Turns out it's pretty darned cute. Lots of cool places to eat, cute shops, etc.
2.  Pizza Hut Park is a fine venue. I'll go back. But I won't sit on the floor again. Those stairs are hell on an old fat smoker woman. Suffice it to say, for that one night, I was a non-smoker. The next morning, my knee was the size of a giant grapefruit. Maybe I need to have that looked at......nah.
3.  Admittedly, I haven't been to a concert in a while (ok..several years), but man, things have changed. Beers are $11.00 and Margaritas are $14.00!! Holy crap!! I remember thinking $7.00 beers were outrageous.
4.  Free parking is the bomb.
5.  JB still looks pretty danged good for an old sonofabitch.
6.  The Coral Reefer Band has not faired so well.
7.  Young fat women will wear anything....especially if they're Parrotheads. Yikes.
8.  I see a golf cart in my future.
9.  I still hate crowds. Under the influence of a $14.00 margarita, they're more tolerable. ;-)
10. Yeah, I'm a Parrothead too.

   

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Yes, I have road rage

Since the Highway Department of Texas decided to tear up and close every freakin' road in Tarrant and Dallas counties, life as I knew it has come to a screeching halt. Literally. Add to this the fact that peeps who didn't know how to drive under normal conditions, just unlearnt everything they ever knew.

I was pretty happy just making my way to work every day along the same route with an occasional side trip to Dallas every now and then. Now, my trip to work takes at least 15 minutes longer because of a fucking median "they" are building along the whole damn 7 mile stretch of road I take. Right lane closed. Left Lane closed. Changes every day, every mile. Drivers that wait until the last possible moment to get into an "unclosed" lane make the traffic back up even more. Fuckers.  The median has made life infinitely more difficult since one now has to go past where one wants to go and make a U-turn to get there. Ugh.

Then, there is the whole DFW Airport clusterfuck. Be advised if you want to go to the airport from the west, there is no official exit any more. Just some little half ass sign on top of another sign pointing the way to the detour which takes you half way around the airport. The airport on it's best day was a clusterfuck. Now, it's just all out of control. Ugh.

Don't try to go to Dallas from the west either, especially on any night. It seems at precisely 8PM they close the ENTIRE highway down. Again, you have to detour and end up going WAY out of the way to get where you're going.

AND, they've torn down really old, pretty trees all for the sake of another fucking lane.

All this to complete what they're calling the DFW Connector--whatever the fuck that means. Oh my. I will not be in a good mood again for years I fear, since that's what they say this whole project is gonna take. It's gonna be a long summer........

Saturday, April 2, 2011

My name is Renee and I am addicted to.....

Real Housewives-Orange County are my favorites followed by New Jersey (now that that crazy bitch Danielle is gone, I can hardly wait to see it again, and New York. Not crazy about Atlanta, Miami or Beverly Hills. The new season of OC just came back on a few weeks ago and New York is coming up this week. RH heaven! Tamra is one crazy chic but you can't help but love her.

Top Chef-Richard won All Stars. As it should have been.

Grey's Anatomy-Ok. Have they have lost their fuckin' minds? More than jumped the shark. Grey's Anatomy-The Music Event or whatever the fuck they called it. Good God. Hated it!

American Idol-I'm glued there every week. I must say this year, I don't have a strong feeling about any one of them--maybe Lauren or Scotty. This, for me is saying quite a lot. I hate country music. Always have. But, these two seem to have the most talent to me. Now, can we talk about someone who has not one iota of talent in her packed like a sausage into her dress body? Fantasia. Really? Cornbread, collard greens and sweet potato pie? Seriously? I could live a happy life if I knew I never had to endure even 30 seconds of her screaming ever again. Lord have mercy.


Bethenny-Love her so much more since she fell in love with that cute Jason, had that cute Bryn and has come into her own. RHONY was not her shining moment and I'm glad Bravo gave her another (better) chance.

Deadliest Catch-I'm still sad over Captain Phil. I don't even know how this show sucked me in orginally, but it's got that rare combination of family conflict, adventure and drama all rolled into one show that's actually great to watch. Love me some Sig too.

Dancing with the Stars-They might lose me this season if they don't keep Kirstie Alley on. Oh come on, we all know it's soooooo rigged.

Food Network- FN and Weight Watchers do not mix.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Spring Forward

Hallelujah!! Love when the time changes in the spring. Hate it in the fall. I don't care that I lose an hour of sleep in the spring. The extra hour of daylight more than makes up for it.
My question though this morning is...when the heck did we start this? I soooo don't remember my grandparents changing the clocks when I was a kid. Perhaps they did and just never told me. Perhaps I was just happily living in my own little kid world and never noticed. I simply cannot recall when this started or if it was going on all along.
I looked online and came up with all sorts of info about Benjamin Franklin and the Railroad Commission and Ronald Reagan and W. Never really saw if DST began on a particular date in history. Frankly, I was too lazy to research it any further. Not that big a deal on the grand scale of things.
Moving on....
Things I like about spring (especially in Texas) in no particular order:

1.  Bluebonnets/wildflowers on the highways and byways.
2.  When the trees start to bud out in that really fresh neon green color.
3.  Redbuds
4.  Longer days
5.  A new sport to hear about other than football or basketball. (ok..so basketball is still going on with that March Madness thing, but I can see an end in sight for at least a week or two. When does the new bb season begin anyway?
6.  The Colonial. I admit I haven't been in a couple of years. I used to go every year for about 25 years, but they just flat pissed me off when they took away "my hill", made the margaritas hardly worth the 20 minute wait in line in a hot ass tent, and the last straw was when they served soft drinks in bottles and had no ice available to pour them over. What kind of jackass came up with that plan? He must not have been from Texas is all I can say. Ok, so maybe this shouldn't be on my list of favorite things about spring, but it was a tradition with me for so many years, it's hard not to think about it.
7.  Baby critters being born and starting to move about. Saw my first baby snake yesterday. He looked so sleepy.
8.  Birds celebrating.
9.  WARMTH
10.  Anticipating a spring trip to Florida.
11.  Flip flops
12.  Violets
13.  Sun
14.  Severe weather/storm clouds....it's just so powerful and amazing. Tornadoes excluded.
15.  Rain on a weekend.
16.  School being out for spring break. This has to do with the flipping traffic close to my house. This item is also included on my favorite things about summer.

The summer list is longer. Love it. Can't wait for it. Oh, I know I got a little bitchy toward the end of it last year, but it's long forgotten and I'm sure I will complain when it's 110 degrees this year. I try not to complain though. This year, I will think of when it was 10 effing degrees with 4 inches of ice on the roads. That should cure me of my summertime blues.