Apple Butter & Annisms

I work in a nursing home. I have to say that not one single day is ever the same, there are no dull moments and contrary to popular belief, we laugh a lot. You should also know that most of our days are planned around some sort of food. Yesterday, we planned for today to be apple butter and biscuits--and that's exactly what we had. My darling friend Ann, who is one of the nursey nurses (as I like to call them)  has a place at a lake not too far away. Her neighbor had an abundant apple tree. She texted the neighbor and asked if she could pick some apples. He said "pick away" and she did. She's been making apple butter for days. She's filled up 3 cases of jars and all the random empty ones she had. We got biscuits (those freezer kind that are really tasty) and she brought the apple butter along with some real sweet cream butter. All I can say is.....heaven on a paper plate!! Biscuits....good. Apple butter....fabulous!!! She truly does spoil us and I know for a fact that she has added at least 20 lbs. to my ass since we started working together. She's also the one who told me how to make sweet cream biscuits. OMG. And, she makes a mean pot of butter beans. Just sayin'.

Then, there are the "Annisms". That's all I know to call them. Not many of her "sayings" have been heard before although she swears she doesn't make them up. A few have worked their way into my repertoire and people usually just sort of look at me quizzically, but they don't just fall out laughing like we do when she just casually drops one of her little pearls of wisdom upon us. There are way too many to remember off the top of my head and list, but here's a few of my favorites....

"Holy crap on a cracker!"
"You look like you've been hit in the ass with a dead rabbit"
"Rougher than a peanut patty on the goober side"


I'll add some more when I think of them.

She's one in a million--our little Annie.

Sock it to me

Why are there socks in the road, parking lot, street? I always wonder about this. The same with single shoes. I guess maybe if they're in a parking lot, they were in someone's car and fell out. Probably because they were on top of a huge pile of fast food sacks, cups and boxes. Maybe they were in a laundry basket and fell out when the owner was carrying them to or from the laundry. Maybe they threw them out on a lark. Maybe they were having an illicit affair in the back seat and the socks just came flying off in the heat of passion.
The street or the highway is a little harder to fathom. Perhaps their laundry was in the back of a pick up and the sock flew out. Maybe they just threw them out. Usually, it's only one sock and it's usually white. What's up with that? Does that mean that men (it's almost always men's socks) who dress professionally don't throw their socks out the window? If they're wearing a suit and tie, do they keep their socks on? Maybe they just have their illicit affairs in hotel rooms instead of back seats. Maybe they don't take their socks off for said affairs.Maybe the white sock wearers are having affairs with their neighbor and when the spouse shows up unexpectedly, they jump out the window and while running across the street...well.....they lose one sock.
What happens to the sock's mate? Is it just carelessly tossed away when it's discovered that the mate is missing on the streets? Does anyone ever go back and look for the missing sock? What do you do when you see a lone sock on the street? Do you just leave it there all alone to be run over, rained on and eventually swept up by a street sweeper?
I guess it can be said that some socks don't mate for life. Badda bing.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat"

Tropical Storm Hermine (wtf kind of name is that--Hermine?), just dropped about 5 inches of rain on my yard and much more on many other people's yards in the past 24-36 hours. It seems to me that our little corner of the world has seen some pretty extreme weather this year. Record snowfall in February, temps over 100 for many days, now this over abundance of water. I guess the old adage is true...."when it rains, it pours". ;-)
I'm not sure if it's global warming or El Nino, but it's been some crazy weather!
I sound like some really elderly person, don't I? I promise I'm not going to talk about my ailments--I already did that this morning. So, I'll talk about something totally random. Hair.
The long and the short of it, the curly and the straight of it. The shampoo and conditioner of it. The style or the lack of it.
I have never been what you'd call really hip or trendy when it comes to fashion or beauty styles. I pretty much just always go for what I like and try not to look too out of style. But, thumbing through a fashion catalog today, I see that ponchos and boots with leggings are coming back in style and I am so happy. Ponchos can sure hide a multitude of sins, but one has to be careful that it is not mistaken for a caftan or muu muu. Just sayin.
Ok..so back to hair. Since I only have two followers and I value y'alls opinion very much, should I keep it long, cut some off or go all the way and whack the crap out of it? I must say, now that the weather shows some sign of becoming half way normal (temperature wise), I think I might kind of enjoy my longer hair. But, then I have those insecure moments when I think people are staring at me and thinking, "what on earth is SHE thinking!?"
If I keep it long, should I drag out the old hot rollers and put some spring into it, or should I keep frying it with the flat iron? Know any good conditioners that don't cost a fortune? Not Suave, but not some NM (with a nod to my friend Beach Runner) crap that costs $40 a bottle either.
Help me out, my two lone followers. And you lurkers, you know who you are. If you would become a follower, you could throw in your 2 also. Just sayin.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I was in Kansas a couple of times over this Labor Day weekend. Actually, we were just passing through, but I have to say that every time I go through Kansas, I have a new appreciation for it. I've always thought of it as just a wasteland, but I find when I really, really look, it's a pretty cool place. Sadly, I didn't take pictures of the Flint Hills, which I find beautiful and fascinating, but I did rip one off the IN.....and I did take pics of the state flower. This picture would have been so much better had the effing wind not been blowing 80 mph. For those of you who don't know, I hate wind. There's nothing good about it that I can think of, which is exactly what I'm sure these guys were thinking. Holy crap!!
I am quite certain there is not enough money in the whole wide world to get me to do this job....not even on a calm day. I'd rather clean port-o-potties or something equally as disgusting. Speaking of disgusting, I am pretty sure that I visited the world's WORST roadside bathroom yesterday as well. OMG. Flies, filth and crumbling fixtures were the only way I can describe it without throwing up. Life on the road ain't all it's cracked up to be sometimes. Another example: Convenience store, Blue Springs, Mo.
Husband wants ice for beer cooler. I tell him I'll get it. I go to cashier and first ask if he carries my brand of cigs, which NO ONE outside of my hometown DOES. He says "yes, I have them". I say, "oh good!! let me have two packs". He says, "I don't understand". I say, "two packs of Carltons." He says "I don't have those". WTF? Of course, he is not from this country, so I try to be patient. Then, I just tell him to give me Marlboro's (did y'all know Marlboro's are on spell check?). And then I ask him to please add a bag of ice. He says ok. He tells me I owe $5.11 and I don't think a thing about it since I had already noticed that cigarettes are really cheap in Missouri and Oklahoma. I then go and get my ice and he says, "that will be $1.59." I say "didn't I already pay for this?" He says, "no, I didn't understand". By this time husband is in line to pay for beer. Clerk asks is he's paying for the ice. Husband tells him yes. I'm standing there holding the ice. He rings up husband's purchases and then turns to me and says, "that will be $1.59". Holy crap on a cracker! He didn't charge me, he didn't charge husband. Husband ends up paying the $1.59 separately after he sees that I'm about to blow a gasket. Guy behind us in line is just shaking his head after witnessing the whole thing. His comments were interesting. I told him maybe it was ME that "didn't understand". Ugh.
Another example--and this one's my fault. I swore after my experience at McDonald's in Tallulah, LA. that I would never set foot in another McDonald's, but yet I was lured in by hunger and lack of choice at that particular exit in Kansas. Breakfast time. I order a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit from the guy who looks way less than thrilled to be there. Biscuit....good. Egg...taken off. I don't even think those are real scrambled eggs on there anyway. It's just kind of a foamy yellow blob but anyway, cheese--ok, bacon--non-existent, unless you count the one tiny little dime-sized floppy piece of fat that may or may not have ever seen the underside of a pig. Oh yeah, that was removed too. If I'm going to eat fat, even if it's just a bite, it better be crisp. No wonder they're making a flat fortune even in today's economy. They're saving millions by splitting one piece of bacon into probably ten sandwiches, covering it up with foamy, spongy, yellow crap (yeah, that's it--a sponge!) and deceiving us with those pictures on the menu of the crispy bacon hanging over the sides. There's a word for Mickey D's and it's on post #5 I believe. Mark my words...............never again.

Three words.......

ONCOR
ELECTRIC
SUCKS