Life's a beach

Just picture it in your mind.......

Gentle waves lapping on the beach, a cool breeze blowing through your hair, the smell of the sea, soft sand under your feet, crystal clear water.

A great picture, huh? Too bad it was all only in my mind. What I did experience on my nine day fun family beach vacation was rain, seaweed, dead fish and the Disney Channel 24/7. I guess we all have visions of the perfect vacation before it starts, then somewhere along the line, things go to shit. I'd say this vacation was somewhere in between. It was fun seeing the little kids experience the beach for the first time once the weather cleared on the second day. It was fun taking them on a pontoon boat and letting them drive. Unfortunately, this is about where the fun stopped and the days of trips to the store, laundry, cleaning and cooking began--and never stopped. Add to that an excruciating drive to and from and you've pretty much got a good picture.
You'll forgive me if I don't post any pictures....I'm too tired.

We'll leave the light on for ya..

I don't even know what made me start thinking about motels. Maybe being stuck in traffic and perusing the surrounding highwayscape. I try not to spend much thought on motels...they make me crazy.

Unfortunately, given my financial lot in life, when I travel I don't have tons of expendable income to splurge on a really good hotel. I love really good hotels; their beds, their amenities, their customer service. But alas, I usually end up staying in some mediocre place on some interstate in some coastal state.

I'm never sure if I even wanna sleep on the bed, much less IN it. It just really grosses me out to think of what's happened on that bed. Did they even wash the sheets, comforter, pillows, etc?  I have taken to checking for bed bugs to be sure. Thank God I've never found any. To be fair, I have heard that they show up even in the best of places. Not a comforting thought.

Most of the...uh.....personnel at the places for sure have never in their lives attended any sort of customer service training and pretty much act like they're doing YOU a favor by renting you a room that has minimal AC action and a shower that drips all night and a tub that doesn't drain.  Don't even get me started on the TV's and remotes. Ugh.

So here I am a month after I wrote the beginning of this post thinking about what motel I'm going to stay in next week on the way to the beach. Do I go for economy or peace of mind? My husband has chosen some pretty questionable establishments in the past, so this year, I will make the selection. I think given my phobias, I'm gonna have to go for peace of mind. Screw the economy--just don't do it on my bed.


Edit:  So, I went for economy after all and boy was I sorry. Lesson learned.

Shopping, Carts, Beer and Sunday

I have decided that I hate grocery shopping. Aw, who am I kidding? I've always hated grocery shopping. It's just that the older I get, the more I hate it. Oh yeah, I detest it these days. One of the main reasons is Wal Mart. I hate Wal Mart in general, but I find myself there pretty often, against my own better judgement. Convenience always wins out over better judgement. A few things that send me into orbit at WM are:

1.  The shopping cart seat belts rarely work. I use them to strap my purse in the kiddie seat in case some hardened criminal comes along and tries to snatch it. Not that they'd be getting a big prize. My purses are typically pretty cheap and God knows I never have any real amount of money--either in cash or on cards. They'd be oh so disappointed.
2.  The shopping cart "corrals" are a long way from the really close parking spots so even if you're able to score a close space, you've still got to walk half a mile to store your cart. Unless of course you're one of those rude sonsabitches that just leaves their cart where they're done with it for it to slam into to an innocent vehicle because the fucking wind blew it across the parking lot.
3.  Those "people of Wal Mart" park in the middle of the aisle and just stand there looking at crap for what seems like an eternity.
4.  Self checkout is NOT your friend.
5.  My local WM just re-modeled about 6 months ago. I have still not figured out the scheme of things. I certainly get my exercise going from one side of the store to the other. I cannot believe they did not consult me when laying the store out.

All this and I'm not even to the real reason I hate grocery shopping--and that reason is:

1. You put crap in your cart.
2.  You take crap out of your cart to check out.
3. You put crap back in your cart when it's been rung up. God knows "they" ain't gonna help you take crap out of your cart or put it back in like in the good old days.
4.  You take crap out of your cart again to load it in your car which is a fucking mile away because there is not such thing as a close spot.
5.  You search for the cart corral--across the parking lot.
6.  You drive home.
7.  You take crap out of your car.
8.  You put crap up.

By my account, that means you've handled all this crap at least 6 times before you ever cook it and eat it.
I think if they had bars at grocery stores, shopping would be much more tolerable. Ooooooh! I know!! They should have those little mini store front bars like they do in NOLA....every 50 yards. Oh yeah.

This brings me to my other complaint. It's not really the store's fault, they're only following the law, but it's a stupid law. Why can we not buy beer on Sunday until noon? I suppose it's because church is going on until noon. Most people I know who attend church drink beer. Most of them couldn't care less that the rest of us heathens are waiting til noon to buy our beer. I'd be willing to guess that even God doesn't care that there's some stupid law prohibiting the sale of beer until noon on Sunday. I bet he'd rather see a law prohibiting certain attire in public places.

Observations from Fin-Land

Saturday night last, I went to Fin-Land. That's the name of Jimmy Buffett's tour this year. It was actually the first time I had been to Margaritaville in the flesh. Oh, I've been there plenty of times in my mind and as the result of one too many, but the first time I've seen JB live. I convinced a couple of darling friends to go with who had also never been to Margartiaville/Fin-Land. One of them had never been to a concert. God luv her, she was a trooper.

In retrospect, I learned  the following:

1.  Frisco is a pretty effin cool town. I always thought of it as just some space age new suburb of Dallas. Well, who knew? Turns out it's pretty darned cute. Lots of cool places to eat, cute shops, etc.
2.  Pizza Hut Park is a fine venue. I'll go back. But I won't sit on the floor again. Those stairs are hell on an old fat smoker woman. Suffice it to say, for that one night, I was a non-smoker. The next morning, my knee was the size of a giant grapefruit. Maybe I need to have that looked at......nah.
3.  Admittedly, I haven't been to a concert in a while (ok..several years), but man, things have changed. Beers are $11.00 and Margaritas are $14.00!! Holy crap!! I remember thinking $7.00 beers were outrageous.
4.  Free parking is the bomb.
5.  JB still looks pretty danged good for an old sonofabitch.
6.  The Coral Reefer Band has not faired so well.
7.  Young fat women will wear anything....especially if they're Parrotheads. Yikes.
8.  I see a golf cart in my future.
9.  I still hate crowds. Under the influence of a $14.00 margarita, they're more tolerable. ;-)
10. Yeah, I'm a Parrothead too.

   

Yes, I have road rage

Since the Highway Department of Texas decided to tear up and close every freakin' road in Tarrant and Dallas counties, life as I knew it has come to a screeching halt. Literally. Add to this the fact that peeps who didn't know how to drive under normal conditions, just unlearnt everything they ever knew.

I was pretty happy just making my way to work every day along the same route with an occasional side trip to Dallas every now and then. Now, my trip to work takes at least 15 minutes longer because of a fucking median "they" are building along the whole damn 7 mile stretch of road I take. Right lane closed. Left Lane closed. Changes every day, every mile. Drivers that wait until the last possible moment to get into an "unclosed" lane make the traffic back up even more. Fuckers.  The median has made life infinitely more difficult since one now has to go past where one wants to go and make a U-turn to get there. Ugh.

Then, there is the whole DFW Airport clusterfuck. Be advised if you want to go to the airport from the west, there is no official exit any more. Just some little half ass sign on top of another sign pointing the way to the detour which takes you half way around the airport. The airport on it's best day was a clusterfuck. Now, it's just all out of control. Ugh.

Don't try to go to Dallas from the west either, especially on any night. It seems at precisely 8PM they close the ENTIRE highway down. Again, you have to detour and end up going WAY out of the way to get where you're going.

AND, they've torn down really old, pretty trees all for the sake of another fucking lane.

All this to complete what they're calling the DFW Connector--whatever the fuck that means. Oh my. I will not be in a good mood again for years I fear, since that's what they say this whole project is gonna take. It's gonna be a long summer........

My name is Renee and I am addicted to.....

Real Housewives-Orange County are my favorites followed by New Jersey (now that that crazy bitch Danielle is gone, I can hardly wait to see it again, and New York. Not crazy about Atlanta, Miami or Beverly Hills. The new season of OC just came back on a few weeks ago and New York is coming up this week. RH heaven! Tamra is one crazy chic but you can't help but love her.

Top Chef-Richard won All Stars. As it should have been.

Grey's Anatomy-Ok. Have they have lost their fuckin' minds? More than jumped the shark. Grey's Anatomy-The Music Event or whatever the fuck they called it. Good God. Hated it!

American Idol-I'm glued there every week. I must say this year, I don't have a strong feeling about any one of them--maybe Lauren or Scotty. This, for me is saying quite a lot. I hate country music. Always have. But, these two seem to have the most talent to me. Now, can we talk about someone who has not one iota of talent in her packed like a sausage into her dress body? Fantasia. Really? Cornbread, collard greens and sweet potato pie? Seriously? I could live a happy life if I knew I never had to endure even 30 seconds of her screaming ever again. Lord have mercy.


Bethenny-Love her so much more since she fell in love with that cute Jason, had that cute Bryn and has come into her own. RHONY was not her shining moment and I'm glad Bravo gave her another (better) chance.

Deadliest Catch-I'm still sad over Captain Phil. I don't even know how this show sucked me in orginally, but it's got that rare combination of family conflict, adventure and drama all rolled into one show that's actually great to watch. Love me some Sig too.

Dancing with the Stars-They might lose me this season if they don't keep Kirstie Alley on. Oh come on, we all know it's soooooo rigged.

Food Network- FN and Weight Watchers do not mix.

Spring Forward

Hallelujah!! Love when the time changes in the spring. Hate it in the fall. I don't care that I lose an hour of sleep in the spring. The extra hour of daylight more than makes up for it.
My question though this morning is...when the heck did we start this? I soooo don't remember my grandparents changing the clocks when I was a kid. Perhaps they did and just never told me. Perhaps I was just happily living in my own little kid world and never noticed. I simply cannot recall when this started or if it was going on all along.
I looked online and came up with all sorts of info about Benjamin Franklin and the Railroad Commission and Ronald Reagan and W. Never really saw if DST began on a particular date in history. Frankly, I was too lazy to research it any further. Not that big a deal on the grand scale of things.
Moving on....
Things I like about spring (especially in Texas) in no particular order:

1.  Bluebonnets/wildflowers on the highways and byways.
2.  When the trees start to bud out in that really fresh neon green color.
3.  Redbuds
4.  Longer days
5.  A new sport to hear about other than football or basketball. (ok..so basketball is still going on with that March Madness thing, but I can see an end in sight for at least a week or two. When does the new bb season begin anyway?
6.  The Colonial. I admit I haven't been in a couple of years. I used to go every year for about 25 years, but they just flat pissed me off when they took away "my hill", made the margaritas hardly worth the 20 minute wait in line in a hot ass tent, and the last straw was when they served soft drinks in bottles and had no ice available to pour them over. What kind of jackass came up with that plan? He must not have been from Texas is all I can say. Ok, so maybe this shouldn't be on my list of favorite things about spring, but it was a tradition with me for so many years, it's hard not to think about it.
7.  Baby critters being born and starting to move about. Saw my first baby snake yesterday. He looked so sleepy.
8.  Birds celebrating.
9.  WARMTH
10.  Anticipating a spring trip to Florida.
11.  Flip flops
12.  Violets
13.  Sun
14.  Severe weather/storm clouds....it's just so powerful and amazing. Tornadoes excluded.
15.  Rain on a weekend.
16.  School being out for spring break. This has to do with the flipping traffic close to my house. This item is also included on my favorite things about summer.

The summer list is longer. Love it. Can't wait for it. Oh, I know I got a little bitchy toward the end of it last year, but it's long forgotten and I'm sure I will complain when it's 110 degrees this year. I try not to complain though. This year, I will think of when it was 10 effing degrees with 4 inches of ice on the roads. That should cure me of my summertime blues.

Windy..

No, I am not speaking of the song by the Association from a lifetime ago. Those of you who are young won't even know what that reference means, and it's ok, you can't help it.

I can't recall if I've ever mentioned my disdain, hatred, contempt and downright dislike for one of the 4 elements. Wind. Actually, it's Air, but I take the liberty that Earth, Wind and Fire did and call it Wind.

Let me just say that I'm sure it has it's place. I'm sure it serves a purpose other than to mess up our hair, blow trash and leaves all over tarnation, make it colder than it actually is and just generally wreak havoc on mankind. I'm not sure if it's purpose outweighs it's sheer menace.
Just think of what happens when it really gets out of hand. Tornadoes, hurricanes, sand storms. Why, those things can strip a wind chime of it's chimes, rip a wind sock off it's mast, and send a weather vane rooster into the next state.
Mostly, it's just a nuisance when it gets a little on the confident side. You know, when it's blowing constantly at around 30-40 mph and the temps aren't that great to start with.
Gee, I'm not sure what started this rant today, but you can probably fill in the blanks.

Out of the closet

I've been putting it off for oh.....about a decade. The dreaded closet cleaning. I can't even begin to express to you what anxiety this causes me. For years, I've saved stuff just knowing that I'd:
1.  lose enough weight to wear it again
2.  wait long enough for it to come into style again (read...these are the very words my mother often repeated to me.)
3. wear it out and have to buy new

Sadly, only #3 has been the case. I have a closet stuffed to the studs and I still wear the same 5 pairs of pants, one or maybe two skirts, three pairs of jeans and about 20 tops. Mainly because #1 hasn't happened. I still have hope, but I'm not holding my breath.  Besides if it does happen, I'll need room for some new stuff.
This morning, I've found every excuse not to start this task, but I've run out of excuses, so today, the purge begins.
I have a feeling I'll find lots of stuff I didn't even remember I had. I will be sad to get rid of some really cute hats from the 90's--they remind me of good times at golf tournaments when I still knew the names of all the players. I hope some ecentric gardening lady will buy them at the Goodwill and wear them with joy while she's pruning her roses.
I'll be back when the deed is done and give a full report.................

Edit:  Well, that didn't go so well. I did get the hats and about 10 t-shirts and various other items in a garbage bag and into the back of my car, but that's about as far as I got. The whole task seemed overwhelming. Perhaps I should take it in small bites. Maybe only a rod at a time. Yeah, that's the ticket...take it slow. ;-)

Edit 3/31/11--It's done!! Actually, it's been done for a couple of weeks. It is a work of art. Color coded, organized, cleaned out, pared down. It's all in the back of my car.

I don't heart VD

The colors of Valentine's Day. Red, Pink, White.
 The flavors of Valentine's Day. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate.
The sentiments of Valentine's Day. Love, love, love.

What's not to like?

It's not always been one of my favorite holidays. There was a time when I dreaded it. A time when I wasn't "attached" to anyone and all my friends got flowers at work..the bitches. A time when one of my friends always got big, new jewelry...the little bitch. A time when all those little bitches went out for romantic dinners.

Oh wait....those things are still happening and even though I'm attached, not happening to me.
I'm lucky if I get to go to Red Lobster. I've never received one stinking piece of jewelry save my wedding ring and I never get flowers at work. I do sometimes get them at home....not the same.

I'm over it even though it's not officially here til tomorrow.

I have to go now and get ready for my dinner at Red Lobster.

Veg............

Homemade vegetable soup.Quite a switch from my usual diet of fast, fried food. I even put broccoli in it. Yuck..hate the stuff unless it's chopped up and covered in cheese. Otherwise, it's like eating a tree.  In the soup, it's not so bad. I have made a conscious effort the last few days to add way more fruits and vegetables to my diet. I've never really loved veg unless they're fried, but alas, I have to change my evil ways. Self imposed..not on the advice of any professional.
I've always thought that veggies had "personalities". Tomatoes always look really happy to me. Cucumbers look straight and narrow..sort of straight-laced. Cabbage...grouchy. Onions, well they are multi-layered. Badda Bing.
I used to like veg more when I was a kid. Didn't like meat much. Don't know when that changed. I used to order hamburgers with bread and veg only. Oh how I wish that quirk had become a lifelong habit. I wish I could make it a habit now. With the creation of the vegetable soup last night though, I just might be on my way!

The Mother of all Mothers.........

I don't much like it when reminders of my age crop up. I never wanted to sound like my mother or grandmother and use the terms, "the good old days", "back when I was young", "back in the day", etc., but there are just times when those terms are appropriate. I used to think of myself as young and hip, even as my forties loomed. Now, I just look in the mirror and there looking back is my mother saying something like, "nothing good happens after midnight".

I'm reminded every day that "things aren't the way they used to be." Lots of times when I pick up my cell phone, I'm reminded of the time when we had a rotary phone and a party line. As I stare at the computer screen, I think of the time when we had a black and white TV and actually wrote hand-written letters. I've never been big on delayed gratification, but I think in this day and age, it's unheard of. I think about how I waited for the mail every day to get a letter from a guy I knew in Vietnam and the feeling when the letter finally arrived! I think of how I couldn't wait to get home from a trip to the local drive-in restaurant and getting a message that my boyfriend had called. Maybe now, we're too connected. 
I guess all this nostalgia is sparked by a book I'm reading about Route 66. Man, I would have loved to make that trip in the Mother Road's heyday. We didn't make many road trips when I was growing up. Mostly they were from West Texas to Dallas. I wish I'd just taken off after high school on the Mother Road and who knows where I'd be now.
Maybe if we all got out on what remains of the Mother Road, we'd have stuff to actually "talk" about rather than post on our status. We could actually send post cards to people who would be thrilled to get some mail other than store ads. Most of us don't even get bills in the mail any more. Out there on the old road, we could buy souvenirs for friends instead of ordering them online. We could actually visit Winslow, Arizona and stand on the corner. We could eat food lovingly cooked by a real person with real ingredients rather than some Styrofoam eggs  on a fake biscuit with some paste for gravy. We could stay in a motel that has been owned by the same folks for 50 years and have the stories to prove it.

Ok, enough of my little trip down memory lane.....I'm thinkin' I'm gonna hit the Mother of all Mothers....Route 66..

Dear Winter, You Suck.

Yeah, you do.Yeah, you're all pretty with your snow and stuff, but the one and only good thing about you I know is that I don't have to shave my legs every freakin' day. The rest of you is just downright miserable.Your wind, your cold, your darkness so early.When I think of you, I am filled with dread. When I have to endure yet another one of you, it makes me feel older. Ugh. You soooo suck.


Edit: 2/3/11   We here in the Northern part of the Lone Star state have just endured what can only be described as three days of hell freezing over. If I never drive on ice again, it will be too soon for me. Oh wait, I have to do it again tomorrow.
 Edit 2/4/11   Damn! Woke up to 4" of snow on top of 2" of ice. Made my day....not. 

Oh yeah, Winter. You sooooooooooo suck.

I'm a Pepper.......

For years, I've ignored my Dr. Pepper cravings. Don't really care much for the Diet version, so I just drank Diet Coke and lately Coke Zero. But in the last few weeks, I have given in to my buried desires and ordered a few here and there. Had one tonight over some really good crushed ice. Heaven. Pure Heaven. I know I can't do this often considering my recent New Year's Resolution and I certainly think soft drinks fall into the category of crap, but oh my...Dr. Peppers are just about the best thing since vodka.
I don't even really drink that many soft drinks, diet or otherwise. I guess I just got out of the habit years ago when I gave up DP. But, there's just times when you gotta have "the burn" as I call it. You know, when you take a big old gulp and it burns all the way down. This is especially refreshing when you're eating mexican food IMHO.
Oh, I know all about how much sugar and crap they put in DP and I know about all the crap they put in Coke Zero, but sometimes it's all that'll quench your thirst.
I've tried just plain old water, and I do force myself to drink it from time to time, but it has never done a thing for me besides maybe make me pee (tinkle for Kitty). I've tried flavoring it with all sorts of stuff from lemon to those flavors you put in the bottle, but they just make it sweeter than I like and the flavors are a little weird if you ask me. Oh wait...you didn't ask me, did you? Whatev.....this is my blog and I can offer up my opinions any old time I want.
I used to love milk when I was a kid. Haven't had a glass of milk in ages--save for the few chocolate milks I've had from time to time when I've had a really bad hangover. It always seemed to taste good then, but it had to be chocolate and it had to be really cold. Oh! And I used to drink chocolate milk when I would order the Pasta Diablo at St. Pete's Dancing Marlin in Deep Ellum-Dallas. I still dream about that stuff and the chocolate milk was the perfect accompaniment. So anyway..................milk....................yuck. It coats your mouth and unless it's really cold and on the receiving end of an Oreo, not much use in my book. Yeah, I know all about the need for calcium in women my age, but I'll get my calcium somewhere else, thank you very much.
So, this pretty much leaves Iced Tea. I think I've already stated where I stand on Iced Tea. Love it. Love it sweet with lemon. But, FTLOG, it has to have some color and FLAVOR to it. Sometimes I get it and it's so weak it looks like dirty water.  I do think Splenda makes a nice sugar sub, but real sugar is always the sweetener of choice, just like the real cane sugar they put in Dr. Pepper!!
Guess DP's for sure going on my once a week crap list. Dammit.

Tony....

How could I have left my beloved Anthony Bourdain off my "would love to meet" list? Love the guy.
Love that he's a smoker, drinker, cusser. Love that little tiny gap between his teeth. Love his irreverence. Love that he's a bad boy. I love bad boys.

Crap

Ok...so I didn't make it back before the ball dropped. I did spend an enjoyable if not expensive day with a couple of my favorite peeps and drank a few martinis in the middle of the day. Day drinkin'. Lost a ton on the slots....ugh. I have no self restraint, which brings me to my NEW YEAR's RESOLUTIONS.

1. To work on that self-restraint in many facets.
2. To only eat crap one day a week. No diets, no vow to lose "x" number of pounds, no plan to eat tofu or some other equally disgusting crap. Simply to only eat really bad stuff one day a week. The rest of the week will be eating sensibly (crap, I hate that word). This in no way, shape or form will ever mean that I will eat whole wheat crap willingly.

So, that's it. Two simple resolutions. Crap.